Remember when you were a kid, and your teacher would call your house? And it would seem so weird... your teacher, on your phone.
I remembered that tonight when my doctor called.
8:55 p.m.
Stolenbike: Hello?
Dr. Brown: Hi. This is Dr. Brown. I was just going over my notes tonight, and realized that missed something. Your deviated septum...was that to the right or left?
Stolenbike: Umm... right?
Dr. Brown: Which nostril is it more difficult to breathe out of?
Stolenbike: Inhale, exhale... Umm.... right?
Dr. Brown: OK. Thanks.
The best part is that Dr. Brown has a CD of my CT scan...he's just too computer illiterate to view it.
Earlier today:
Nurse: Umm... Doctor... you just need to scroll up on the mouse, not hit the button.
Dr. Brown: Click. click click click. It's not working.
Nurse: OK... just... use the scroll.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Monday, April 24, 2006
Nose, broken
4 super things about breaking your nose:
1. Husband gets dirty looks when we go out in public
2. Having both a doctor and a nurse tell me, "Do not pick your nose."
3. Leaving messages for friends saying, "For the first time in 26 years, I broke a bone. If you want to find out what one, give me a call."
4. When I told my dad I had some bad news and he said, "Whadja break?" getting to reply, "nose" and hearing that moment of shock over having called his bluff.
1. Husband gets dirty looks when we go out in public
2. Having both a doctor and a nurse tell me, "Do not pick your nose."
3. Leaving messages for friends saying, "For the first time in 26 years, I broke a bone. If you want to find out what one, give me a call."
4. When I told my dad I had some bad news and he said, "Whadja break?" getting to reply, "nose" and hearing that moment of shock over having called his bluff.
Look!
It's my wallet!
The one stolen nearly a year ago!
We knew where it was (between barrier wall and highway) but couldn't find it, despite some scary night searching.
It found its way back to my house... credit cards, driver's license, frequent coffee drinker's card, and all. Well, except for the money, of course.
It looks like it's been through hell (or a Midwestern winter).
The one stolen nearly a year ago!
We knew where it was (between barrier wall and highway) but couldn't find it, despite some scary night searching.
It found its way back to my house... credit cards, driver's license, frequent coffee drinker's card, and all. Well, except for the money, of course.
It looks like it's been through hell (or a Midwestern winter).
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Damn, if we only knew someone who read books
I often wish I had useful skills to share with others. Carpentry, gardening, sewing, Spanish expertise, and the like.
The only skill I can think of is that I'd be damn good at editing family Christmas letters. I'd also kick butt as an island vacation advisor. But alas, neither are in high demand.
Except... I do read more than the average person. But for a reader I suck at recommendations. It's like someone asking you, "You eat food? Really! I always mean to eat more food. What food would you recommend?" And I'm like, "Umm... do you like dairy?"
So I've decided to start sharing an occasional list of much liked books in various genres.
Today I bring you TRAVEL WRITING.
Note: I strove for diversity of location and experience in this list; it's not necessary my best-of. It's also limited by my poor memory of what I've read.
A Year in Provence by Peter Mayle
This book makes Husband and I nearly pee our pants. Every year or so we check the audiobook version out of the library and spend a drive up to the cabin delighting in Mayle's crazy friend Monsieur Menicucci, salivating at the descriptions of fabulous food, and crying with laughter at Mayle's dry deadpan delivery. For books about France, I also like Almost French by Sarah Turnbull (for glamorous-Paris-life-type book, and to understand why the French are the way they are) and On Rue Tatin by Susan Loomis (for the good French cooking-type book).
Sex Lives of Cannibals by Maarten Troost
This is for people who fantasize about going to those little specks on the map (in this case, a tiny island in the South Pacific). Or for people who enjoy reading accounts of hellish living (beaches doubling as toilets, spoiled cans of chicken curry for dinner) without having to suffer through the heat or hepatitis A, B, or C themselves. The other thing that fascinates me about this book is that Maarten and his wife are much like you and me; they finally leave Kiribati to go back to high-paced D.C. lives. I also discussed this book here.
Catfish and Mandala by Andrew Pham
More than any other travel book, this one left me feeling as if I'd really visited the country. Pham visits Vietnam in the way that one really should--traveling around by bicycle by himself, far removed from the tourist groups. Off-the-beaten-track Vietnam isn't very uplifting (their view of Americans, for example, isn't surprising, but it still depressing) and is often dangerous, so if you want to get a glimpse into real life Vietnam without, say, getting beat up, then this book is for you.
Beauty Tips from Moose Jaw by Will Ferguson
Who can help but be fascinated by Canada, which is so like us, but so different? It's a country that doesn't take itself too seriously and clearly has more fun that we do. My favorite parts of this book are the irreverent (Ferguson's bad kid days in Moose Jaw, his tourist trip to the Arctic Circle) and the educational (the part of Ontario that was settled by those who made it to the Underground Railroad's last stop). If you like Ferguson, his Hokkaido Highway Blues about hitchhiking around Japan is also good.
In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson
Bryson's arrogance tainted most of his travel books for me (although strangely, it didn't prevent me from reading all of them). But he does well in this one. Riddled with fascinating info and full of bumbling travel misadventures, my favorite parts were the numerous ways in which Bryson nearly dies. For those seeking an Aussie fix, I also really like My Brilliant Career by Miles Franklin and the film Rabbit-proof Fence.
The only skill I can think of is that I'd be damn good at editing family Christmas letters. I'd also kick butt as an island vacation advisor. But alas, neither are in high demand.
Except... I do read more than the average person. But for a reader I suck at recommendations. It's like someone asking you, "You eat food? Really! I always mean to eat more food. What food would you recommend?" And I'm like, "Umm... do you like dairy?"
So I've decided to start sharing an occasional list of much liked books in various genres.
Today I bring you TRAVEL WRITING.
Note: I strove for diversity of location and experience in this list; it's not necessary my best-of. It's also limited by my poor memory of what I've read.
A Year in Provence by Peter Mayle
This book makes Husband and I nearly pee our pants. Every year or so we check the audiobook version out of the library and spend a drive up to the cabin delighting in Mayle's crazy friend Monsieur Menicucci, salivating at the descriptions of fabulous food, and crying with laughter at Mayle's dry deadpan delivery. For books about France, I also like Almost French by Sarah Turnbull (for glamorous-Paris-life-type book, and to understand why the French are the way they are) and On Rue Tatin by Susan Loomis (for the good French cooking-type book).
Sex Lives of Cannibals by Maarten Troost
This is for people who fantasize about going to those little specks on the map (in this case, a tiny island in the South Pacific). Or for people who enjoy reading accounts of hellish living (beaches doubling as toilets, spoiled cans of chicken curry for dinner) without having to suffer through the heat or hepatitis A, B, or C themselves. The other thing that fascinates me about this book is that Maarten and his wife are much like you and me; they finally leave Kiribati to go back to high-paced D.C. lives. I also discussed this book here.
Catfish and Mandala by Andrew Pham
More than any other travel book, this one left me feeling as if I'd really visited the country. Pham visits Vietnam in the way that one really should--traveling around by bicycle by himself, far removed from the tourist groups. Off-the-beaten-track Vietnam isn't very uplifting (their view of Americans, for example, isn't surprising, but it still depressing) and is often dangerous, so if you want to get a glimpse into real life Vietnam without, say, getting beat up, then this book is for you.
Beauty Tips from Moose Jaw by Will Ferguson
Who can help but be fascinated by Canada, which is so like us, but so different? It's a country that doesn't take itself too seriously and clearly has more fun that we do. My favorite parts of this book are the irreverent (Ferguson's bad kid days in Moose Jaw, his tourist trip to the Arctic Circle) and the educational (the part of Ontario that was settled by those who made it to the Underground Railroad's last stop). If you like Ferguson, his Hokkaido Highway Blues about hitchhiking around Japan is also good.
In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson
Bryson's arrogance tainted most of his travel books for me (although strangely, it didn't prevent me from reading all of them). But he does well in this one. Riddled with fascinating info and full of bumbling travel misadventures, my favorite parts were the numerous ways in which Bryson nearly dies. For those seeking an Aussie fix, I also really like My Brilliant Career by Miles Franklin and the film Rabbit-proof Fence.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Good friends
A good friend knows how to work the adjective.
For example, 10 minutes ago:
Ring ring.
Me: This is StolenBike.
GF: Hey, it's Good Friend. ... Are you OK?
GF: Because you seem ... soft-spoken... today.
Damn that's smooth. Men, take note.
For example, 10 minutes ago:
Ring ring.
Me: This is StolenBike.
GF: Hey, it's Good Friend. ... Are you OK?
GF: Because you seem ... soft-spoken... today.
Damn that's smooth. Men, take note.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Rum Twizzle
"It's hard to write about vacation without sounding like you're bragging," I said to Husband.
"Or, swinging the other way, and acting like a spoiled kid who doesn't appreciate what they have," Husband said.
So, while I'll be glad to tell stories about having happy hour on a party boat in the middle of the ocean, learning how to meditate, hiking to a deserted beach, or stealing our rental car, I don't think I'm going attempt to recap our week on St. John here.
I will say it was good. That we had adventures and tried new things. And that coming home to two love-starved kittens and the advent of spring isn't all that bad either.
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